I received a phone call at around 11:30 am from my mother; she wanted to know if she could come over to pick up something.

Once she entered, though, I trapped her in my dining room and made her sign for her marriage license; then, I commandeered the driver’s license of which I so desperately needed two copies.
Remember the printer? The jammed printer?
Well, I figured that I could just scan the license, but, haha, no. My computer is pissed at the printer, as well, so it seems, as they refused to speak to each other.

But then, something very wonderful happened: A back panel to the printer was discovered. Out came the paper, and the printer is now in working order for the time being.

It seemed like an opportune time to get my mom’s/brother’s/my birth certificates started, so I went to http://www.nyc.gov/html/doh/html/services/vr-order-other.shtml and checked everything out.
New York City really encourages one to order from VitalCheck; the issue with VitalCheck is that each record costs $8.30 more.
Fuck…that.
So, I printed off the three applications, and tried to convince my mom to stick around until I completed them. They need to be notarized before being sent.

Well, my mom refused to stay around for me to fill in the applications. I kind of can’t even blame her…she’d sat there and watched me fight with a printer for a very long time. I was about to very quickly throw the marriage certificate application together for her to mail, and I just happened to study the instructions one more time before I did so. It was good that I did, because I learned that the fucking city clerk does NOT accept checks, only money orders or cashier checks.

The good news? Long form or, as they call it in New York, vault form birth certificates don’t cost more than the normal ones.

So, here’s what these certificates should cost me:

3 Birth certificates at $15.00 each: $45.00
2 Marriage certificates at $35.00 each: $70.00
Total: $115.00

Add the $26.00 that I already spent at the Manhattan Municipal Archives, and that brings the grand total to $141.00. And I’m sure that the fucking money orders will tack on even MORE money.

New York City Clerk, why are you too good to take a check from me?

Stay tuned.